At first the interactions between the two were awkward at best. They only focused on the paper and clearly had little in common. However as the session progressed on of the comments in the paper struck a cord with the tutor, at that moment she engaged in student in conversation and they immediately began talking about the subject. It was a little shocked at the amount of time they spent on that one subject rather than revising the paper. It seemed as if they older tutor really wanted to connect with the student. I felt that because the tutor was an adult student, coming back to college after a mid-life career change, she wanted to assimilate into the Belmont student culture and connect with those who were her "peers" per say.
She did eventually offer some good advice on the students paper. But more so than benefiting the student, the tutor seemed to have gained more out of the experience. Maybe a sense of confidence that she could find a common ground on this campus full of young and energetic college students.
Overall, I would say the writing is in good flow and clarity. You have used alot subject-verbs pattern which is easy to keep track with the action of the subjects in your writing, so that we can picture in our head the view you're observing. Most of the action in your writing was expressed through verbs instead of nominalization. Still, there is some nominalization I found such as observation, interaction, confidency,etc. But those are in moderation. Good job on this writing in term of follow the subject-verb, nominalization rules.
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